Why Is Asking So Hard To Do? Especially for Women!
Updated: Apr 10
By: Dina Readinger, CEO Diagnostic Thinking
Many people around the world are experiencing difficulties with life. The world has changed immensely, yet people find themselves disappointed, frustrated, stuck, and choosing to walk away from an opportunity because they don’t know how to ask for what they want. The world is suffering from the tools, structure, and support for what they need for themselves.
What gets in the way of asking for what you want?
Fear of being seen as weak, fear of rejection, fear of being even criticized for asking for what you want, or frankly, fear of hearing the word no. No translates for women that I am not seen as good enough and may never be good enough. Men, by history, have never been afraid of asking for what they want. If someone said no, they found a way for someone to say yes to them. Women routinely take a “NO” as a rejection of themselves, and there must be something that I lack; otherwise, people would grant me my ask.
Have you ever been at the top of the performance chart and been denied your wish? Was your dream job given to someone less tenured than you?
Women can create their career stalls. They lack knowledge of “how” to ask for what they want and find themselves running from the thought of even asking. Many women will choose the status quo and stay in their current role due to their fear of asking for what they want. Many women share that they feel selfish for asking for what they want. Most children learn never to ask for what. Many times they were told they were disrespectful, ungrateful, and even self-centered as children. Women stop trusting in themselves for the ability to accept a “no” answer or even how to take a “no” responsibly. Women often revert to the more accessible options, which is a self-created story behind why they did not get what they wanted. Corporations send a message that asking for what we want is looked down upon when they do research and strategic planning for the D&I program but fail to follow through to ask those who seek information. A leader’s responsibility is to build a responsibility-based culture, where the first step is self-awareness and self-management for clearly understanding what you want next for your career and your life. The next is social awareness and social responsibility, where the collective ideas and ask are considered.
Being a high performer and being excellent at what you do is a must before asking for what you want. Leadership is about trustworthy conversations are founded on openness and direct discussions. Beating around the bush is where gossip begins. Now, you, as a leader, are a part of the problem and not a part of the solutions. If others have to guess about what you need, and you have to think about what your teams, leaders, and peers need, you will consistently run into stalls, frustrations and may quickly decide to “give up. If you give up, you give away your career ending $1.5M to someone less and, even more importantly- giving away your power for what you want for yourself and others.
Women are routinely less confident throughout their careers, and it’s no wonder we struggle! We’ve learned behaviors that create self-sabotage early in our lives and creates a narrative that needs re-working. Diagnostic Thinking creates confident women who step into new roles within twelve months of joining a DT Group. By learning and applying the Diagnostic Leadership Systems in a space where psychological safety is paramount, women learn the art of social management, team optimization. Usually, they find themselves at the top of their leader boards. Diagnostic Thinking members think differently. They are straightforward with their requests and build strong leadership capabilities around trust. Teams built on the foundation of trust are unwavering in their performance. Women from Diagnostic Thinking Groups show up differently. Members are sought after by upper management for new and exciting roles. They are not afraid to ask for what they want because they have learned the art of “how” to ask!
If you are interested in making more money, seeking new roles, and or desire equal opportunity, let’s chat.
Do you lack confidence in asking for what you want? Find a time and let’s chat!
“Diagnostic Diversity Leadership Systems is a Global Women’s Leadership Program specifically designed to accelerate careers and where you don’t have to choose your family over your career!”